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Oh I’ve got a computer
I named her Sue
And when I turn her on
She knows everything I do

All the porn I see
All the chat lines I go on
All the sick and disturbing things
That I hide from my mom

When I hack into a mainframe
She won’t tell
And she doesn’t seem to mind
When I go to Hell, dot com

Oh my computer
She’s my best friend
Forget a social life
All my problems she can mend

And when I tell her that
I hate my entire class
She doesn’t laugh at me
Or kick me in the ass

I keep her hard drive defragmented
And virus free
And I never ever let
My cat go pee, on her
(Just like it did to my sister)

She’s my computer
My whole world
I think about her
More than girls

If there was some way
I could fuck her
I probably would
And I think I love her

I wish that I
Could make her human
She’d have big breasts
And she’d smoke a Cuban

I’d make her my
Wedded bride
I’ve already seen
What she looks like inside

Oh I want her bad
And I want her now
Yeah I’m gonna take her
Just gotta find out how

Here’s a hole
I’ll just take out this motor
Oh that feels gooooooood
Dang, I think I broke her